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Shocked in the Grocery Store

Columnist Damian Morris takes on Safeway.

I was going to continue with the next segment of my obit this week, but my life coach, Pat—he of the checkered jacket in my May 2 dispatch—advised against it.

So instead I will take a page from Scott Ostler's "Deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots ..." and give you a few brief items. The only difference is that Ostler's stuff is witty. You'll have to wait for another time to hear about my upstate NY days. Do you feel like the governor just called with a reprieve?

I spent some quality time at Safeway this weekend. Don't you love it when somebody jams up the entire parking lot waiting for a spot about ten feet closer than one they could have gotten without doing so? Me too.  

By the way, what does "bakery department two zero one" mean? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? 

As I was checking out, I was frightened by the visage of a desiccated sack of bones staring out at me from the cover of Rolling Stone. I calmed down once I realized it was just Steven Tyler. And Pippa is one the cover of People. She is SO cute, isn't she?!

 In other celebrity news, the word is out that Lady Gaga is struggling with exhaustion but "she is determined to continue her punishing work routine for the sake of her fans." I say don't do it Gaga. Think of your health and stop performing immediately.  Please!

 One of my life goals is to beat Zack Armstong in The Patch's "Where in Foster City" photo contest again.

 My older son came home from college last week. This means that my grocery bill will automatically double. I plan to garnish his Peninsula Jewish Community Center wages this summer.

 I liked Jennifer Selvitella's blog about Foster City. The 94404 is a great place to live. And its a great place to raise kids, regardless of how mine turned out.

 I haven't seen the folks in the Good Humor outfits soliciting outside of CVS lately, which is a good thing. Or maybe I just haven't been looking. I'm generally supportive of charitable causes, but I just get annoyed when people ask me for change as I'm making my daily rounds. I guess I'll make a good curmudgeon in a few years.

We had my friend Brian and his family over for dinner Saturday night. My wife made me do it. I made an excellent pot roast anyway. For you carnivores out there, here's the recipe. It's one of my favorites. You can use regular onions.

 http://recipes.stevex.net/recipe/vidalia_onion_pot_roast

 Continuing the food theme, I saw a commercial for Philadelphia Cooking Creme as I was drinking my morning coffee yesterday, which didn't do any good for my digestion. I really can't imagine using that stuff. 

I did a little research and came across this quote: "In press materials, Kraft describes Philadelphia Cooking Creme as an interesting alternative to cooking with condensed soups." Really??!! Good point! Also, smacking my thumb with a hammer is an interesting alternative to banging my head on the wall.

 I wanted to give everybody a heads up that Pia Zadora is coming to the Rrazz Room in the city next month. I can't wait. Get your tickets now to avoid the rush.

 Does anybody know when the next royal wedding is?



alice May 16, 2011 at 06:49 PM
Enjoyed your column! Thanks
Troy May 17, 2011 at 03:00 PM
Yes I am going to try Damian's pot roast recipe! I try all the recipes I get from Patch. I also want to agree with the parking lot thing. If my wife is driving and she does that I say "just park all the way in the back. We can better avoid door dings, and we can use the exercise anyway!" I especially agree with the Lady Gaga comment (I call her Caca) and should have turned our T.V. off when she performed on American Idol. My seven year old daughter was watching with us when she commented "my teacher, Mrs Bell, told us "Lady Gaga is inappropriate." I think that is putting it lightly. Another great piece, Damian, I'll see you next Sunday on "Where in Foster City?" :D
Joe Lazzara May 27, 2011 at 06:27 AM
Hey Damian! We are going to try your pot roast. It sounds great! I will let you know which of Jazz Cellars' wines go best with it. Jazz Cellars is Foster City's only winery. Wait.... is that a shameless plug? Food and wine go together, so why not! Thanks for a wonderful column.
Damian Morris May 27, 2011 at 03:12 PM
Thanks Joe! We love shameless plugs here on The View From Gull Ave.

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