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Saying Goodbye to a Beloved Pet

Everyone has their own grieving and healing process and there is truly no “right” way

This past week, one good friend lost his dog and another had the dreadful task of trying to decide if the time was right to say goodbye to her 16-year-old dog.  I’ve been there. Everyone has their own grieving and healing process and there is truly no “right” way. For me, it was helpful to pour out thoughts and feelings in the form of a letter (an ode to Cooper) to friends who knew what he meant to me.  Here's the letter, dated November 13, 2008:

We said good bye to Cooper yesterday, losing him to lung cancer that gave us little time to prepare. I'm crushed. He’ll be missed in ways I can’t easily describe. It's hard for me to remember what everyday life was like without him in it. Still, I'm thankful for the 13 and a half years with him which, for a lab, is remarkable. He enjoyed a wonderful, rich life filled with many great people and experiences. And, he paid it all back to me and others closest to him just by being the dog and companion he was. 

Take your basic, eager-to-please, food-motivated black lab, then, stretch his ears, loosen his face and mouth, droop his eyes and give him an ultra smooth, silky medium coat. Gentle, unflappable, and even-tempered to a point where he could have doubled for Eeyeore in his later years. That was Cooper. He drooled like nothing anyone had ever seen and sent his long "slingers," as we called them, sailing across the room when he shook. 

During my bachelor years, friends joked about my four-legged "wing" man in a bear-huggable, 85-pound, black velvet package. Still, I attracted my wife, Jay, all on my own. She quickly accepted and loved us as a package deal, and Cooper fell for her with me. As the old saying goes, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  My wife, the former chef, nabbed us both quickly. In the next year or two, we can tell our daughter Audrey how she spent her first five and a half months with Cooper and show the photos of her with her first pal.

Cooper came to work with me almost every day for the past 10 years and earned the "shelter spokesdog" title I gave him. We attended PHS/SPCA's black tie affairs, city council meetings and 11 consecutive Mutt Strutts. We made countless community presentations and hospital visits to cheer up patients. Of course, there were incidents. His gas-passing during our regularly televised cable tv show was not infrequent. I can think on my feet in front of a camera, but man, that was tough! And, once, when an elderly man we were visiting in a hospital knocked his evening set of pills off the nightstand, Cooper shot under the bed, thinking "treats for me." It's a mystery why he had no ill effects from the stool softener he hoovered.

We represented PHS/SPCA together for the last time eight weeks ago, speaking to a senior group at the San Carlos Masonic Hall.  As usual, I began by giving Coop’s bio and asking the audience to guess his age. Guesses ranged from nine to four; ok, some audience members couldn’t see well, but still, it made me feel good. I told them he was 13 and a half years old, or, in his mid 90s in people years, that he was on meds for a thyroid condition, slowed by arthritis and required help getting in and out of the car. “Sounds like all of us,” joked a guest. An instant connection.

Cooper had many friends at work who asked about him and snuck him treats (of course I knew and didn't mind!). He had a doggie grandma, my Mom, always willing to dog sit and did so, gladly, countless times. She was with him the week before his final week and I can never repay her for caring for him during a scary, difficult time that snuck up on us. He had extended family and friends who always accepted him into their homes without minding the hair, had special treats waiting for him, bought him gifts, supported his Mutt Strutts, and took an interest in his life. He had wonderful vets; PHS/SPCA's Dr. Janowitz was with us at the end and was compassionate, gentle and reassuring.  Cooper touched my life in ways I never imagined, which is why it hurts so much right now. He's gone, but he's everywhere I look at home, at work, in the car...

Of Coop's many adventures, one stands out now: a weekend trip to Soda Springs, CA, three Decembers ago when he was 10 and a half years old. He galloped after me and pounced on me with his full force each time I took a turn tubing down the slope behind our rented cabin. I treasure the photos from this outing.

What I've heard most from friends these past few days is that Cooper touched many lives and has really been “man’s best friend.” Truer words were never spoken.

--- Scott

Spatton January 29, 2012 at 02:30 PM
awe!! I lost my golden Timber to spleen cancer. I had to put him down 10/18/11. he would have been 9 yrs old this month. he was my first true dog all my own. I still find myself crying and missing him. they truly are our best friend.
Sarah Yokubaitis January 29, 2012 at 03:03 PM
I'm so sorry for you loss, Spatton. I have a one year old golden, and I can't imagine losing her. Goldens are the sweetest dogs.
Phyllis McArthur January 29, 2012 at 07:08 PM
Having doggys most of my adult life has taught me to be a better person. The really are a part of the family. Yes Sarah, Goldens are one of the sweetest dogs.
Phyllis McArthur January 30, 2012 at 05:44 AM
P.S. I never have said good bye any of my 4 legged family members in the past 40 years.....I have just thanked them fo thier love and said "See you in Heavan"
Phyllis McArthur January 30, 2012 at 06:18 AM
I don't know, Chris, maybe I was a hard act to follow?!! Just kidding, I dunno, wondered about that to....
Drew Himmelstein (Editor) January 30, 2012 at 07:35 PM
Good question! The profiles were very popular but slowed down after the first round of highly engaged users. I'm planning to bring them back though, with some variations.
Phyllis McArthur January 31, 2012 at 12:49 AM
No way Chris! It made you a very interesting person.
Lisa Heirtzler January 31, 2012 at 05:13 AM
This definitely struck a chord with me. Thank you for sharing this beautifully written letter. I have a 12 1/2 cattle dog mix & I cherish her smile & tail wags more than ever now.
Phyllis McArthur January 31, 2012 at 05:50 AM
Hi Lisa, A wag is worth a thousand words.
Pretty Asian... January 31, 2012 at 08:25 PM
I, too, am sorry for the loss. life is like riding a bicycle: we have to balance everything. to maintain balance, we have to keep moving. we may be staying too long already in a certain past, so let it go and move on now cuz life is filled with beautiful surprises ahead :-)
Chris Corbett February 01, 2012 at 04:17 AM
dogs are awesome, but my son, John, loves his guinea pig and rat just as much as his dog. Robert loves his tarantula very much. And, here's the kicker: our pet rats had babies. that's right, we have 12 fuzzies now (they are 2 weeks, 3 days old)...cute as a cucumber too

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